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Literature by World-Inside-Me

in English by PolskiFanfic

words words words by Hikagi

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Submitted on
November 18, 2012
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4.4 KB


12 (who?)
Dear Teen Me,

It's been more than six years since we saw each other for the last time. I guess I should be asking then how are you holding up, but – honestly – let's skip that part. We've never been big on etiquette and rules of politeness, right? Best friends don't need that nonsense. Courtesy is used only to veil shallowness and our relations are anything but shallow. And besides, I know everything about you. Far more than you know about yourself. Well... To be honest, that's not an incredible feat. Poor you, always so clueless.

Let's take sexuality, for instance. I know that you've never paid much attention to this subject, but that's precisely the point. Remember how all of your female friends were dreaming about French kissing a hot guy, who would promise them a night of loving bliss, and you've always thought that love was all about gazing dreamily into each other's eyes, holding hands and snuggling on the couch? I feel sorry for you, life will very soon prove how horribly wrong you are.

Disaster is approaching: you will fall in love with a man and start dating him. I won't lie to you, you will suffer when an unwelcomed touch will caress your skin, violating you, and you will cry yourself to sleep, thinking how your involuntary reluctance was hurting the person you truly loved. “What's wrong with me?” You will keep asking, shuddering at the very thought of an intimate physical contact. There's always a silver lining, though, so don't despair just yet. That relationship is doomed to fail and break your heart, but you'll gain something more valuable: an insight into who you really are.

I probably should avoid spoilers (Doctor Who taught me that! ...who? Oh, never mind, you'll watch it in a few years, stop asking, geez...), but I really want to spare you all that self-loathing drama. So brace yourself: you are not alone, you are not sick, you do not need help, regardless of what you might think. There's even a term coined especially for people like you: asexual. You're ace, how awesome is that? Feeling better? You definitely should, there's still hope that one day you'll find someone similar to you and be happy! Well... Truth be told, I wasn't particularly successful thus far, but hey – being alone also has its perks.

And speaking of being alone, it’s the same old story. I feel the best without any boring, humanly distractions. People produce so much noise, don't they? I'm still more less a loner, surrounded by books not by friends, nothing really changed in that matter. Always with my head far above in the clouds, only occasionally regaining the touch with reality and loving my imagination above anything else in this world or any other. You should be glad to hear that hundreds of stories, thousands of imaginary people and billions of their emotions are billowing inside my mind.

Sadly, I don't write as much as I should. And I still haven't finished that fantasy novel you've started so eagerly and with so much love. Sorry, shame on me. You have every right to hate me for being lazy and wasteful of my talent, but I want to assure you that I haven't given up just yet. I still make attempts to create and I adore every second of the process. I might not be the best, and I will probably never be, but God knows I'm trying.

That's actually the main purpose of this letter – to give you hope. To let you know that six years from now your dreams weren't buried under the layers of tedious reality, under work, bills, troubles. One day we'll reach the stars, I can promise you that. And we're not going to die alone. Even if we won't ever meet anyone who will accept us and love us the way we are, there will always be a place in our heart where we can join all the incredible characters we've created and treasured over the years. No one can take them from us.

So yes, dear teenage me, that's all for now. As you can see, I haven't changed that much. I'm every bit as spaced-out, detached from reality and literary ambitious as you are. I might be only less nave, slightly cynical, and more leery of feelings, but that was the price of experience. I won't say that I wish you all the best. I wish all the best to both of us. I know that together we'll make it happen.

Yours truly,
A letter written for the competition: [link]

It was fun to write, even though being painfully honest with yourself is not an easy task. Curb your hate, please
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World-Inside-Me Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2013
This is a really amazing piece~ I can relate to this so much and I'm glad that there are others that feel the same way as I do... :hug: Thank you so much for writing this beautiful piece and giving me a little hope
trajektoria Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, thank you for your kind words! :hug: I wanted to share my experience and let people in similar situation know that they're not alone. I'm really happy that this text cheered you up a bit :)
World-Inside-Me Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
You're very welcome~ =D :huggle: You've done a great job with it~
trajektoria Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :D
World-Inside-Me Featured By Owner Mar 7, 2013
No problem~! =D
Hikagi Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012

There are so many things I can relate to.

Thank you for being honest. I haven't been in a situation like yours (about the relationship), but I *have* always wondered why I didn't care about sexuality, like my peers. That part resonated with me.
trajektoria Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! I was writing this as much for myself as for other people who might experience similar things. And there's nothing wrong with us, we're just different :hug:
Yu-uko Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012
O rany. Czułabym się źle, gdybym zostawiła ten tekst bez komentarza, w szczególności, że mocno mną wstrząsnął.
Problemem jest to, że nie bardzo wiem co mam napisać. Zbyt dużo emocji i myśli się we mnie przez niego zabełtało. No masz, teraz chce mi się płakać i nie jestem pewna czemu. Ach, to PMS xD
Ale do rzeczy:
Niesamowicie szczery, poruszający i do tego bardzo dobrze napisany tekst. Momentami czułam się tak, jakbym czytała o sobie. Może dlatego tak mocno kopnął mnie w mentalny żołądek.
Dziękuję, że się nim z nami podzieliłaś.
I powodzenia na konkursie :)

Wybacz ten nieskładny komentarz ; ;
trajektoria Featured By Owner Nov 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Ojej, strasznie się cieszę, że ten tekst Ci się spodobał i jakoś Cię poruszył. Przyznam, że czułam się trochę dziwnie, odgrzebując u siebie te wszystkie uczucia, ale chyba było warto. Też trochę chciało mi się płakać, ale może to także wina PMS ;)
Ale teraz już uśmiech na pysia, alleluja i do przodu! :hug:
Yu-uko Featured By Owner Nov 22, 2012
To musiało być trudne... ten tekst to jakby nie patrzeć jakaś forma ekshibicjonizmu emocjonalnego i to nie takiego "paczcie, jak mi smutno!", a przemyślanego i dojrzałego. Jeszcze raz dzięki Ci za niego, nu <tul-back>

...a w ogóle to wybacz zwłokę w odpisywaniu, coś sie znów zebrać w sobie nie mogę _-_
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