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As John was staggering up the stairs to their shared flat on 221B Baker Street and struggling to keep his balance in a really pathetic and futile impression of a walk, he thought that spending the whole evening in "Red Lion", drinking pint after pint, maybe wasn't such a good idea.

It was all Sherlock's fault, as usual. A few hours ago he announced fervently that he was bored out of his mind, and, since there wasn't any interesting case available, it could be fruitful to go to a pub and try spying on people. After all, drunk clientele are more prone to spill the beans and reveal some juicy secrets. At least that's what Sherlock claimed using more sophisticated vocabulary and making those puppy eyes, which you couldn't simply refuse. The truth was, John didn't really want to oppose this time, because an evening in a pub sounded fantastic. He envisioned that a bit of unwinding will be a nicer pastime than chasing criminals all around London as they normally do. So John was quite glad when he and Sherlock went to "Red Lion" nearby.

Not everything went as planned, though. It turned out that some Polish guy was celebrating his promotion at work with a bunch of his compatriots in the said pub. The wild group, inebriated to the fullest, was partying hard and asking every guest at the pub to come and drink with them. And if John ever learned anything about immigrants in London, it was that one does not simply say no to a Pole, when he is encouraging you to drink with him. No one ever said 'no' to such proposition and lived to tell about it. In the end, John ended up with a beer mug that never seemed to be empty, no matter how much he drank out of it.

Alcohol has an amazing ability of bringing people together, so Doctor Watson soon expanded severely his Polish vocabulary, knowing how to say "good morning" "cheers" and an awful lot of swear words. It was actually fun when it lasted, but for most pleasures in life you have to atone with a sorry state some time after. And that's the reason why John struggled so desperately with going up to their apartment.

Sherlock, however, seemed to be in a much better shape. He climbed the stairs first with little effort and he looked surprisingly sober. The only indication that he was in fact drinking was the flush on his normally pale cheeks. John had his suspicions that Sherlock was pouring his own beer into his friend's mug, but sadly he couldn't prove anything.

At least John got his little revenge in a taxi when they were coming back from the pub. The cabby must have been a big fan of Madonna, since he was singing "Like a Virgin" all the time during the ride. The look of utter horror and distaste on Sherlock's face was priceless.

Finally, the stairs ended and John put his back against a wall in their living room.

"My God, one more stair and I'll start howling. No way I'm climbing up to my bedroom. I guess I'll just pass out here and sleep on the carpet", said John adamantly with a slight drunken lisp.

"You can always sleep with me. My bed is big enough for two", Sherlock proposed unexpectedly, while taking off his coat and hanging it on the hook.

John stared at him with disbelief.

"What? Sherlock, are you serious?"

"Yes, I am. Problem?"

"People will definitely talk when they see us sleeping together!"

"What people, John? Look around, there's only us here", he stated in a condescending tone, observant as always.

"Well... you're right, but still..."

Sherlock didn't shrug his shoulders, because that wasn't his style, but his facial expression gave it all away.

"As you wish. I hope the floor will be comfortable enough for you".

Sherlock turned around and went to his room without looking back.

John stared at the floor and realised on second thought that sleeping there may not be such a great idea after all. His gaze rested on the couch, which was another potential spot for sleeping. But it was all covered with Sherlock's stuff – John couldn't identify half of the things lying there and, to be honest, he didn't really want to. Tidying up at this hour was out of the question, so John looked in desperation at armchairs. However, he spend a night there once and the next morning he felt as if every single bone in his body was aching. The options were wearing thin.

"Oh, sod it," he sighed with anger and dragged himself to Sherlock's room. The owner was already lying on the bed and didn't look the least surprised when he saw his companion at the door. John took off his shoes which required some time and unbelievable skills, and he laid down beside Sherlock.

"If some crazy paparazzi takes a photo of us now and publish it in every tabloid, it won't be my fault," said John grumpily.

"Would it really bother you so much?," asked Sherlock, turning his head towards John.


Sherlock smiled.

"You pay too much attention to what people think. They're all morons."

"Yes, all except the omniscient Sherlock Holmes and his massive intellect," John commented sarcastically. He fell silent for a moment to gather his thoughts. "You know, there's something I want to ask you and I'm actually drunk enough to do it".

"Ask then."

"Is it really true what Mycroft implied?"

"And what did Mycroft imply?"

"Well, that you've never slept with anybody?"

"I'm sleeping with you now, am I not?"

"No! I meant sleeping like... you know, being intimate with somebody."

Sherlock squinted his eyes.

"And why do you want to know that?"

"No reason, just curious. And as far as I know, you value curiosity very much," John added casually.

Sherlock just kept staring at him and didn't reply.

"Um, well, if you don't want to talk about it, it's okay..." John began speaking apologetically, but Sherlock stopped him.

"If you have to know, I've never felt the urge to... mate," he almost spat that word.

John looked hardly surprised.

"I see... Well, considering your looks, if you never had anyone, it must mean that you're asexual, right?"

"Brilliant deduction, John. You're improving. Maybe one day you'll become a consulting detective as well", Sherlock stated snarkily. John knew him too well to feel offended, he just laughed.

"Well, that kind of fits"


"Yes. You distance yourself from anything that is human, so it's only fitting that you lack human desires".

"Not having a sex drive doesn't make me any less human, regardless of what you may think". Sherlock's face was dead serious and maybe even a bit hurt.  

"I know, Sherlock. I know," he said soothingly. "I was just joking, don't take it too seriously. It's booze speaking, after all. But I was wondering... Well, have you ever been in love?" John was quite abashed for asking that.

"In love?"

"Yes, did you ever love somebody?

Sherlock was looking intensively at the celling as if something really interesting was going on there.

"...I don't know."

"What? How can you not know such thing?!" John exclaimed in confusion.

"Feelings, John! They're dangerous, irrational and vague! How can you make any sense out of them?" He was really frustrated.

"That's the point of feelings. You do not analyse them, but just... feel them."

"My mind doesn't work that way, John."

Watson didn't know what to reply, so he remained silent. It was Sherlock who finally broke the silence after a few long minutes.

"Let's make an experiment, John."

"An experiment? What experiment?", inquired John.

"Kiss me"


"Kiss me, John," he repeated patiently.

"Kiss you? I'm not gay, you know".

"I'm not asking whether you're gay or not. I'm asking you to kiss me. Do you have some sort of hearing impediment?"

"Why should I kiss you anyway?" He tried a different approach.

"It's an experiment. I cannot tell you anything more, because it would impair the results".

John didn't seem convinced.

"Experiment? Just an experiment?"

"I cross my heart. Or I can cross my brain if it would seem more trustworthy to you".

John sighed with resignation.

"What the hell am I doing... If somebody sees me, I'm going to kill you," he muttered and leaned towards Sherlock. He placed hesitantly a gentle kiss on Sherlock's lips and quickly moved back as if they were burning. He looked clearly freaked out.

"That's how you're kissing your girlfriends? No wonder that they dump you on the spot!" Sherlock taunted him with a smirk on his face.

"Oh, damn you, Sherlock Holmes!" John yelled and pressed his lips against Sherlock's. He was really pissed (in both senses of the word) and he just wanted to make that smart arse finally shut up. He put in that kiss all of his anger and all the hidden feelings that resurfaced when he lost his self-control. He stroked that distracting cheekbones with his fingers and kept kissing him deeply, mingling their tongues together. That felt surprisingly... right.

When they finally parted, they were eyeing each other for a while. Sherlock never looked so clueless in his entire life. John broke the eye contact first and cleared his throat to mask his embarrassment:

"So... The results. What are the results? Of your experiment I mean?"

"The results are... inconclusive," said Sherlock breathing heavily. "The experiment may need to be repeated in due time".

"What? Sherlock-"

"Good night, John," Sherlock turned his back on his friend. He didn't want John to see a big smile showing on his face.
Hi guys, this is my first (but definitely not the last) Sherlockian fanfiction. I'm currently obsessed with BBC's Sherlock, so I want to share my love for this show with all of you. The fic is a bit crackish and more than a bit slashy, so you've been warned/invited :la:

The action takes place after A Scandal in Belgravia and The Hounds of Baskerville, but before The Reichenbach Fall (no shit, Sherlock...). English is not my native language, so I apologise for any mistakes. I've checked the text multiple times, but still if you find that something is wrong with grammar, collocations etc. please let me know. I may learn something new that way.

I may translate this one day into Polish if there is a demand, but I don't promise anything. After all, I'm soooo changeable! *in Moriarty's voice*
Anyway, without further ado: Enjoy! :sherlock:

Like a Virgin series, all semi-sequels (you don't have to read them all to get the story, but if you do, I'll be happy! :heart:):

Uncertainty: [link]
Wanting more: : [link]
Cinema date: [link]
Something to talk about: [link]
Add a Comment:
ladyblackbird13 Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2015
Oh friggin' yeah!
SpaceRavens Featured By Owner Aug 20, 2015
Adorable sweet. Love it.
MintySunflower20 Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Deamonia Featured By Owner May 20, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
Seems I'm a little late here reading this with the last comment left over a year ago o.o But still this is awesome! I love your stile of writing it's really enjoyable to read. I recently started writing myself and I hope I can get to the level you are at some time. PS: I'm going to read all of these stories ;-)
IAmZBEST Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist
Doctor-WhoOona Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I like it!!! :D :D
CazywazyMistySweety Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2013
Oh my glob I'm hooked
FandomsAreMyLife Featured By Owner Aug 2, 2013
Wow. That was so cute! I literally laughed so much at the ending :) amazing writer 
DragonHaven42 Featured By Owner Jul 12, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:giggle: I can not even, this is adorable :squee:
Kiss you?
Yes, on the face, didn't you hear me?
hotarunara Featured By Owner Jun 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
brilliant!! loved it!! <33333 *face palm* again with the JW word used way too much!! grah!! *too much fanfics*
WowFantasticCosplay Featured By Owner Jun 15, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I love this so much. :D Amazing job.
Amazing-person-yes Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I-am-Sherlock-ed Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013
This is really good. One of the few fanfictions in which, I believe, that Sherlock's personality and perspective was portrayed correctly. Congratulations on making this seem realistic, I could really see this happening in the actual series. :D
I enjoyed reading this, thank you. :D
trajektoria Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh, thank you :heart: That means a lot. I'm happy that you liked it :dance:
I-am-Sherlock-ed Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2013
You're welcome :)
laylaney Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2013  Professional Writer
it wouldn't surprise me if this scenario one day actually became canon. i really could imagine =) great job!
trajektoria Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! Oh, I really pray that this will become canon one day (OTP FEELS!)
WaistDeepInThoughts Featured By Owner Mar 22, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
wow, I am officially in love with this...:love: Sherlock should do those kind of experiments more often. ;)
trajektoria Featured By Owner Jun 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you!
Oh yes, he should! :giggle:
lunalunaris Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Like, really, you did great job with Sherlock's personality.
trajektoria Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thanks! I'm glad that you think so, I tried to keep him in character ^^
And thanks for the fav and the watch! :la:
Oh, and there are other parts of this series in case you're interested :D
FanRubyGloom Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
Tak jest, i to jest właśnie stuprocentowy Sherlock :D
Niby schemat "to eksperyment, Jaaaawn!" jest w fandomie używany tak często, że już częściej się nie da, ale to i tak nigdy się nie nudzi :D Może dlatego, że Sherly może wywijać co tylko chce, usprawiedliwiając się tym zwrotem :D
trajektoria Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hehe, dokładnie, strasznie to wygodne! :D
"Jaaawn, muszę Cię pocałować dla dobra nauki, bez dyskusji!" :giggle:
Dzięki za fava! :dance:
FanRubyGloom Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
"Ale Sherlock, całowałeś mnie dziś już cztery razy, a przedtem uprawialiśmy dziki eye-sex"

Spoko :D
trajektoria Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"Ech, no dobra, Sherlock, niech ci będzie skoro to dla dobra nauki..."
"Oczywiście, Jawn!" :iconpervysherlockplz:
FanRubyGloom Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
"Ale masz posprzątać sypialnię po ostatnim eksperymencie :I"
trajektoria Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"Nie jest to koniecznie, Jawn. Białe plamy nie są w końcu widoczne na prześcieradle."
FanRubyGloom Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
trajektoria Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
"Mi one nie przeszkadzają" *wzrusza ramionami* "Poza tym, nie ma sensu sprzątać, skoro zaraz zabrudzi się znowu"
(1 Reply)
MOCHA-Cactus Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
I like it. very good idea with experiment thing :D It's was enjoyable to read =^_^=
trajektoria Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yay, thanks! I'm glad that you liked it! :happybounce:
MOCHA-Cactus Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012
For me it's more interesting to read other stories than mine, that's all and your welcome :)
Goosie-Boosie Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
OMG, I love this <3 Finally got to reading it. Adorable work!
trajektoria Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you! :tighthug:
That was my first Sherlockian fanfiction :happycry:

Too bad that DA messed something up with the submission page and I can't post my new fic ^^;
Goosie-Boosie Featured By Owner Oct 28, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
8D I love the little series for this that you got going x3

Awww D8 I hate when dA is stupid!
trajektoria Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
That's good, since I love it too! 8D

Yeah, me too. Hopefully they will fix it soon! :shakefist:
Goosie-Boosie Featured By Owner Oct 29, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist

Katesmile Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Student Writer
Oops, I've read this series in a wrong order. But still, this is BRILLIANT. God bless You and Your imagination:D
trajektoria Featured By Owner Oct 17, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Aw, don't worry, there's not much plot in them anyway xD
And thank you! :tighthug: I've already written the fifth part, it's just waiting to be proofread :aww:
Cvokhauz Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012

trajektoria Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Yay! :iconlawooplz:
BBRaeluv Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Student Writer
My feels....oh my feels....
trajektoria Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Angel-Mythrael Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
""That's how you're kissing your girlfriends? No wonder that they dump you on the spot!"
LMAO!! :lmao:
Feels nice to read it. *went to read the semi-sequel*
trajektoria Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Hehe, I rotfled so much while coming up with that line you won't even believe that :D
TheRandomFangirl Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2012
asdfghjkl oh by the wya i hope you dont mind im trawling through all of your johnlock
trajektoria Featured By Owner Sep 7, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Nah, I'm honoured ;)
And thanks for the watch! :dummy:
MonacoMac Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Now that was fun to read! ^^ I'll definitely be keeping up with your fics from now on!
trajektoria Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Wow, thanks! :blush: I hope you'll like them ^^

And thanks for the watch and the fav, it's always boosting my confidence when I get praised by English native speaker :D
MonacoMac Featured By Owner Aug 15, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
You deserve lots of praise since I didn't even notice you weren't a native speaker. The dialogue was spot on!
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Submitted on
June 10, 2012
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